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Sep 12, 2010

Forgive and forget?

These days between Rosh A Shana and Yom Kippur lend themselves well to contemplation on human nature, quiet introspection and reviewing one’s relations to another.

I think sometimes it's easy to confuse forgiveness with absolution, while the later is never possible between human beings.

To me forgiving means being able to grieve over the part of the relationship that has died (for example you had an illusion that a friend will always be there for you during tough times, and she was not – so this illusion of unconditional loyalty has to be mourned and buried, for you to be able to forgive). Things will never be the same afterwards – you may forgive, but cut off the relationship or become casual acquaintances instead of being friends, but things have changed...

Is it ever possible to forget, even when forgiving?

2 comments:

  1. "Yup" for forgiving, "No" for forgetting and a huge "YEAH" for low expectations

    I have no idea what's your story but here are couple of My musings regarding friends and unconditional loyalty:
    1) There was a huge discussion (well, not really 'cause all comments were of the same nature) on "lemondrops" regarding "Friends".
    http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/10/13/the-10-friends-every-girl-needs/11
    I personally have felt rather often like I'm the 11th friend, the one who everybody remembers only when they are passing through those notoriuous tough times. Trust me, it sucks, You don't feel yourself being a Friend anymore.

    2) I've been through situations when it hurt my feelings that people whom I had considered friends at a certain point disappointed me. After much thinking (meaning yelling, crying and ruminating :-)), I chose to be grateful for what they have already done to me rather than being angry for what they have refused to do.

    For me it worked. What's your post Yom Kippur stance this stuff?

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  2. Nina, thank you for sharing.

    I am inclined to go person by person or rather relationship by relationship and figure it out. Sometimes things are not the way they seem to be and then it's up to those in a relationship to figure out whether it's worth their while to try and "untangle". My personal view is that in most cases it's worth the try.

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